operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
