Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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