I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
