went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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