dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
