just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
