How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
