That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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