no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
