Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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