i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there was a trapeze. enough said
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
