My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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