So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
home. puking in laundry basket.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
