trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
