Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sobbing to NWA
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