I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
