I want to have your abortion
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
