Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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