Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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