dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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