if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
