Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
