You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
