I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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