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I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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