I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
