I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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