apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
