Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
