Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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