I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
