i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
