yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
