Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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