i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
