just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
