another moral hangover. fuck.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
