you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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