Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
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I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
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OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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