You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
