i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
