Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
420 ftw
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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