The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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