I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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