if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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