I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
