just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
