Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
