we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
