last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
