dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
