Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
