Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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