I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
