You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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