a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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