He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
