Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
