I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
