If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
