one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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