Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
