can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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