Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
