come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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