She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
