i permit you to call me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
