Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
