dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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