i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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