found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Your cock deserves a montage
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
