I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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