unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
